"As I leave to reconcile with some form of the old me , I look. I breathe. I cry , and I take my steps into a machine that will help me travel into the new worlds. My life. My hope. My dreams sit behind me in plastic bags as I start the engine. Roads turn into life decisions , and highways turn into journeys. Anxiety fills my vessel ; tears fill up my empty eyes, and the tires turn. What was once a photographer is now a #lost soul. What was once a person that seek’d the attention of many, only screams to himself. I begin to take those roads to myself. I begin to look for me again. I know one day …. one day…. "
Walking down the train tracks while having a conversation with a dear friend of mine.
My Best friend : Dude, be yourself , be happy, and fuck the rest of the world. It’s time for you to grow as a man , and as an artist. Don’t let anyone hold you back from your dreams. Focus on yourself , and what you need to do. I’ve seen you work with tons of major people , and all of them are dicks to you. They call you a “friend” but aren’t nowhere to be found when you hit rock bottom. Where are they now ? You are the reason they are in the high positions they are now. YOU are the reason they are moving forward. Instead of them picking you up when you’re down they turn into divas. Fuck them. Fuck them all ! When I first met you you started with a little camera and the lens it came with. You took shitty little pictures. Now look at you . You’re work is in magazines, you’ve worked with billionaires , and shot for some very important people. You went from a college dropout that was a drunk to a photographer that is respected. You are the definition of ambition. The definition of hope. Keep in mind you did all this within a year and a half. You can’t give up; but you can’t live life like this. You have to be happy. If you ever need to get away from everything then so be it. You will always have a place here .You are my friend , my family and a brother to me. ——— Me: *sigh* ….. Thank you.
"Are you here ? Where are you ? I can’t find you. I plan to one day sit with you by the harbor, and discuss how I #Lost you. To converse about the hardships , and the joy I’ve been through. To show you the scars I have gained since you first decided to leave. I can only go so far to find you. I can only drive for so many days until I’m out of fuel. Please show me where you’re at. I am nothing without you and my pillow can only hold back so many tears." — "To find myself is the only way I can move forward in a backwards life"
To Be Here - [ As I Sit , and listen to my heart race I try to collect myself. I begin to think of all those projects, and productions I once wanted to do. The friends I left behind , and the so-called friends that “tried”helping me in the industry. I start remembering when I once helped so many build a foundation only to be pushed back out over the threshold. The betrayal and hardships. The work and pain . The love and disloyalty.]
"I was blind and forgetful until I found her. I was colorless and lacked vision. I was without an outlet ; Without a heart. I let life and earth’s scenery pass me by before I met her. I didn’t appreciate anything while walking through the one way streets called life. When I met her my perspective in life turned upside down , and unleashed tons of color on my canvas." - "Photography will always be that thing, that passion , and that love."
"Living in a cage surrounded by buildings , and cars has closed my mind in photography. The day I escaped everything was the day I saw the light , and realized this world is brighter than what I expected. I stand on the top of a mountain I thought I would never climb. Literally and metaphorically.”
In What Form ?
"My imagination is more vivid than life"
The sudden confusion of who I am or what I should be in this so called modern society has me in the depths of depression. I can no longer be who others want me to be but only be myself. I choose to be a free spirit and dwell only on happiness and finding what makes me smile .
Maybe one day . Hopefully .
Losing my vision . My thoughts . My mind
For a brief moment I could hear myself think , and see myself in a complete form. It wasn’t until I left my safety zone , and discovered a whole new world. It wasn’t until I got up , and realized that I can move forward on my own. - "To go beyond the expectations of someone or others is a goal in itself. - Don’t let yourself down. Go beyond what you think you can do , and pull yourself out from where ever you’re stuck."